highs and lows...all in a day.

Life is such a roller coaster, today especially.  I was high on life and felt like everything I was doing as of late was exactly what needed to be done.  Talking and hanging out with some awesome people, a job interview, a job offer, job training, and a weekend at home by myself (well with the doggies of course).  But as I sit here and make small talk with him, it brings back the doubts and the fears.  As much as I tell myself that I'm over it and I want to move on and be here, talking to him and thinking about the hurt I'll cause him doesn't help.  I am a people pleaser, always have been and always will be.  It takes a lot for me to put others aside and make myself happy, which is exactly what all of this is.  I'm doing things for me and most of the time it feels really right.  But that other time, the time when I think of the hurt, it brings me right back down for the high.  Tears can be shed and 2 minutes later I get a text from someone special telling me how much I mean to them, how proud of me they are and how they care.  And it's for those reasons that I'm here, in this exact spot, figuring it all out.