"Who Are You"

I haven't written anything for so long, but the sermon at church today got me thinking and I wanted to continue with it and this was the place I thought of first to write about it.  We did an activity with a partner and we had to ask them "who are you" for a minute.  After each time I asked, my partner would have to give a short answer about who they were.  It really got me thinking about all that I am.

I am...
    an aunt.
    a daughter.
    a sister.
    a granddaughter.
    a niece.
    a dog lover.
    a friend.
    a female.
    a Christian.
    a scrapbooker.
    a teacher.
    a mentor.
    a cousin.
    a girlfriend.
    a lover.
    a care taker.
    a reader.

It's late and I can't think anymore.  It's interesting to think of all the roles you take on in your daily life and how you view yourself.  I'm happy with the person I am.  Obviously there are things I"d like to change, but no one's perfect and I strive to be better daily.

need a break...

I need to catch a break in life.  I know there are many people worse off than me, but for me, I could really use something.

I'm so torn with things with him, is it going to work or not.  Obviously no one knows if relationships will last, but ours has been so off and on and hard.  I thought things were going well, but just like it can fall to the ground again.  It's getting old, and hard.

I've also put a lot of work in lately applying for jobs.  I have completed applications for 7 jobs, with my application almost finished for another 4 jobs.  I'm hoping and praying that something will happen in the next week.  I can't give up hope just yet.  It's my final push to do something I want to do, to do more than I am now.  To make me feel like I'm doing something with my life.

It's frustrating.  I feel like my life is stuck in this place while all my friends are moving forward.  A year post grad and I still feel like I'm in a transition period.  Shouldn't that have been over already?

Praying, praying, praying!

Mission Trips

I had the opportunity to go on 3 mission trips when I was in high school and all of them were so rewarding in so many ways.  Today at church I was taken back down memory lane about those trips as the current youth shared their experiences about their trip.  It's funny (amazing) how 6 years and a new youth minister the trips seem so similar to mine.  I love music, I'm not great at it, but I love it.  I loved the times we got to sing together as a youth group, especially ending with the song Sanctuary.  Today before communion, the youth got up there and sang that song, just as they did every night before bed, just as we used to.

I was so happy that they still go on Youthworks trips, they're awesome! The work we do while there and the connections made are like nothing you'll ever experience again, it's truly an amazing experience and one I'd like to do again someday.  I can't even explain what those week long trips were like for me, but it was so nice to be reminded of that again today.

Love...

I feel so behind in relationships compared to my friends.  I am such a hopeless romantic and always thought I'd get married young, but I seem to be one of the last.

I have 1 friend that's married, 4 friends that are engaged, one that is living with her boyfriend of 2 years and ring is expected soon (I'm sure), one that got back together with an ex and is happier than ever, and 2 that are just starting a new relationship with feelings that are so real and they are so incredibly happy.  Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy for all of them and support them in every way...truly.  I love them all and think all of their men are great guys and right for them (although I have not met one, he seems great for and to her).

When will it be my turn?  Maybe when I stop talking to my ex and going to Vegas with him?  Haha...I know everything happens for a reason and this is just another curve in the road.  Am I stupid for going on this trip?  Maybe, but I won't know til after it's said in done.  I don't have feelings for him at this point, so if it's totally not right, I have nothing to lose.  I know one day it will be my turn and I truly can't wait to find that guy, who ever it may be.  I will be treated amazing and live my happily ever after, one day, hopefully sooner rather than later....

Friends and travel

Just a few days ago I was a bit down about my lack of keeping friendships alive in Iowa (which has changed and I got to see one and talk to another), but I am blessed with so much more as well.

I have had the opportunity to travel for mission trips, with friends, family and for sports.  During some of these amazing trips I have met some pretty incredible friends...life long friends.  We may have only spent a few days together, but it was enough to build an amazing friendship on.

The first time this happened was around my junior year.  I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to play softball in Hawaii with a group of girls from around the country.  Our team had some difficulties with our coach, and in the end made our team stronger.  I still talk to a few of my teammates every once in awhile and we keep each other posted on big events, but the one that has lasted was not a team member.  She was a girl from Wisconsin traveling with her mom and boyfriend (my parents went but we took different airlines from LA to Hawaii), and I was on my own.  They took me under their wing and made sure I got there safely.  We didn't see each other much during the week we were there, but enough to keep the friendship going.  I have seen her only twice since then, but hope to this summer.  We talk about once a month and I love the person she is! :)

The summer after my junior year, I had the opportunity to take a mission trip to West Virginia with my youth group.  It was my third one in as many years, was quite different than others.  We had more volunteers there then there was work for us to do (at VBS anyway).  We also played a game to get to know each other and that started a friendship that means so much to me.  She is a tall, blonde beauty! :)  We didn't have much to do at the site, so we spent the time talking and getting to know each other.  We were able to hang out quite a bit the rest of the week as well.  We had so much in common and hit it off right away (sometimes I feel like I'm talking about a relationship with a guy, but nope, haha).  I have been to her house (in IL) a few times and she has been to mine as well.  We have seen each other about once a year since then, 6 years ago! :)  She is amazing and such a good friend to have.

Then there is the most recent one...Heather.  I met her in January on a cruise with our boyfriends (both of us are no longer with the guys). We met in the middle of the cruise and hung out every chance we could with each other.  They were amazing and booked an excursion in Miami with us (and almost missed their flight) to spend more time with us and we had a great day...the four of us.  We have talked almost everyday lately and are hopefully going to have a reunion soon.  We helped each other through the break-ups, which were within days of each other, and now get to see each other happy and in her case, with an amazing guy.  I only wish she didn't live in New York and was such a trip to visit her! :(

I love that all of us only spent a few days together, but made a connection to last a life time.  I know everything happens for a reason and that all these amazing women were in the same place at the same time as me. :)

I am blessed with so many friends, all over the country.  I also have my life long friendships from high school, as well as college.  I am blessed to have some truly amazing friends.  Each and everyone of them has helped me through something or other in this crazy life we lead and I wouldn't be where I am today without all of them.  I just need to remind myself of that sometimes when life gets crazy and it doesn't always seem like things will last...

Can't have it all...

I miss my Iowa friends.  I feel like I'm losing touch with them.  When I'm in IA, I miss my friends at home, when I'm home I miss my friend in IA...I just can't have the best of both worlds! :( I'm scared I'll lose one of my closest friends down there because I'm not with him anymore, I hope that doesn't happen, but it will be hard for her to be with his best friend, be around him and still try to be in touch with me while we both move on.  I ask people to get together every time I'm down there and it just never seems to work out.

I think some of this stems from seeing him this weekend, it confuses me every time.  I know we are not right and will never work in the "forever" but it toys with my emotions.  I don't want to stop talking to him, but at the same time I need to move on and be able to get into another relationship, whenever that comes.

I know I don't want to live in Iowa again, and this is where I need to be, but it's still hard to lose people I care about it...

Memories

A night filled with young memories of times when we thought we had it all figured out (and I know at 23 we definitely don't have it figured out still), but how life changes.  A night reflecting on a friendship, relationships along the way and how life changes.  It's always a great feeling to reflect and look back on the past.  You realize how much you've grown, where you've come from and some hope for what the future holds and where it might take you.  I can imagine what the future has for me, but I'm happy with where things are headed!  :)